Sunday, July 4, 2010

Back to work we go.

We got good news at the cardiologist on Friday. We met with Dr. M to get the results of JD's stress test and his progress in cardiac rehab thus far. He passed his stress test, it didn't show any other blockages only that he had a recent heart attack which was very much expected. His ejection fraction (does anyone else have to re-read that word about 5 times before it makes sense? Just me?) is up to 50%. That is the very low end of normal, most people walk around at 55%-60%. This is much better than the 45% he left the hospital with. He's doing better! YAY! His report from cardiac rehab was also good. His heart rates and blood pressures all look great during exercise. Dr. M released him to go back to work full time with no restrictions on Tuesday, with a follow up with her ARNP in 3-4 months and a cholesterol check in about 3 weeks to make sure his dosages are correct. Now I have to figure out who's going to do my dishes. I think it's about time to teach the young ones how to load the dishwasher.

Speaking of young ones. We are having a great time this summer.
We've gone fishing,





























had a water balloon fight











and even took a trip through the mall on the little train.

We have plans to visit the zoo and spend some quality time on local walking trails.
I hope everyone has a great Fourth of July! I'll be at work tonight, you can come keep me company if you want to! I'll be at the 37th street Walmart, more than likely folding shirts.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Appointments.

Stress test tomorrow 7:30 in the AM! I can't go to that one, I get off work at 3AM and that's during my prime sleeping time. Cardiologist appointment Friday at 2:45 in the PM. I get to go to that one. This will probably be the one where we find out if JD gets to go back to work or not. I'm nervous! I'm prepared for whatever they have to say, but I'm hoping that he will be satisfied with the answers he gets.

Everything will work out in the end. We'll make it regardless, because we have each other. Love will keep us alive! Now, need sleep. I have to work tonight :(

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Father's Day



What a crazy day two weeks. Father's Day is a weird day for me personally, but that's not the point of this post, that's for another time on a different blog. Our Father's Day today comes with mixed reviews. We had a good morning with well behaved children and a happy dad. A so/so afternoon with hyper children and mildly grumpy, "yelly" dad.

We had supper and decided it was finally cool enough to go fishing. That was JD's Father's Day gift, a fishing license and a new rod and reel. We left the kids at home with our house guests and ran away to Gage Park hoping to get a quiet spot and just enjoy some time away. I'm not sure if you've been to the park on Father's Day but goodness gracious I was unprepared. I had assumed since we had waited until after 8pm that it would be dead. I was dead wrong. It was crowded! Even around the little slimy fishing pond there was family after family with hardly enough room between them to cast out.

We headed out to Lake Shawnee hoping for a little more room to ourselves. The beach that JD normally likes to fish at was very crowded so we parked at the entrance to the frisbee golf course and sat in a quiet cove watching some crazy 20-somethings try to tip over their boat attempting a whirlpool. I was amused, anyway. JD got his fishing pole all ready to go. He cast it out and realized after it had hit the water that the handle for his new reel was missing! He went up and searched the van hoping it had just fallen off or gotten knocked around in transport. I told him I thought that was something we would have noticed in the store, however we were a bit distracted as it was Walmart on Saturday and we were just wasting time waiting for our prescriptions to be filled. No luck in the van though. He threw in the towel, finally defeated, and went about the long arduous process of reeling in a fishing line with no handle. Turns out it takes about 5 minutes to reel in your line when you don't have a handle, who knew? We packed it up and went back home, hardly an hour later. :(

While I'm just happy to have gotten a Father's Day, I'm sad that it couldn't have been better for JD. Sometimes though life throws us these weird days and we just have to take it in stride. I'm hoping next year can be a little more exciting with hopefully less disappointment. I have to say once again how proud I am of him. Regardless of how many times he threatens homicide or other bodily harm against me, I'm so proud that he hasn't had another cigarette and continues to work every day at living a healthier and much longer life!

I have another post coming about the joy that is Cardiac Rehab and also one about how the kids are taking all of these dietary and lifestyle changes. Fun stuff there! Come back soon :)

Saturday, June 5, 2010

No News=Good News

Not much to report here. Hence the lack of updates. It's been terribly uneventful. Between Cardiac Rehab and various errands for food, kids, and the like I haven't had much time to update.

JD is doing well. He's been full of energy and I can hardly tell a difference in his activity level! He's been helping me out getting the house back into shape and just general everyday activities that he was having difficulties getting accomplished. We are still waiting to find out when his stress test is scheduled, believe me I'll update about it when it happens!

We've been very happy and very thankful that our friends from out of town have been here this last week. It's been a full week now, it's been a joy every day! They are helping to keep us distracted and keep us happy. They've also been helpful in getting me off my duff and out of my "woe is me" party!

I have to go back to work Wednesday evening and I'm super nervous. I had just started a new position days before I went on leave so I still have no idea what I'm doing or what needs to be done. It's going to take even longer to get back in the groove because I wasn't in the groove to begin with.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

The nerves, they've got me.

I'm a worrier, I was born that way. I come from a long line of worriers, I even gave birth to one myself. Our youngest son is in therapy to help with his ADD, after his second appointment his therapist comes out to us and says, "He has a lot of worries". Yeah, tell me about it. You can imagine, I'm sure, how I'm dealing with day to day issues. I take a lot of anxiety medicine.

Most nights I just lay awake and watch JD breathe. I did this before he got sick, but not for as long. I'd wait for his breathing to slow down and for him to start snoring. I'd thank God for another day we got to spend together and process everything else that happened in the day, all to the rhythm of his breathing. Then I could go to sleep. I am, of course, still thankful for everyday we get together and thank God often. However, the meaning behind watching him breathe has changed now. Instead of being thankful for him breathing, I'm thankful for each breath he gets to take. Our first night in the ICU was particularly awful. I felt like I was sitting there willing him to take his next breath, willing his heart to beat again. They were having problems getting his internal blood pressure monitor to work and the alarm would go off about every two minutes saying his blood pressure was too low. Three nurses were in there trying to figure out what was going on, he wasn't showing any symptoms of low blood pressure. There was one reading that was 72/50 and I lost it.

I've seen this blood pressure before on one of my father-in-law rounds in the hospital fighting cirrhosis and some random blood infection. He had come through lung cancer but his liver was failing. They had spoken with his wife and I about our wishes if they weren't able to bring him back, did we want to pursue a DNR? It took me right back to that spot, what decision would I make? What would he want, what was the right thing to do? We never got to that point. JD made it through that night, they got the monitor working and they got his blood pressure meds regulated so that it didn't go that low. Still it sticks with me, what if I have to make that choice?

What if, what if... My mother reads this blog and will probably tell me I can't live in the what if. I can't tell you how many nights my mom has spent up late with me discussing my what if's. It's genetics, mom, out of my control. I've actually worked pretty hard to not live in the what if's. Thousands of dollars of my mom's money spent on therapy later, I've developed some coping strategies, they're not working right now. So I take more anxiety medicine, it helps take the edge off. I can breathe, JD's breathing, the kids are breathing. We will make it through this day. One hour, one minute, one step, one moment, one breath at a time.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Good day/Bad day

There's good and bad days. Yesterday was a not so good day. JD was very tired and ended up sleeping most of the afternoon. I was cranky and tired as well so that never bodes well for a good evening. Nothing terribly exciting happened. No big fights or blowouts or anything, well you saw my posts yesterday just pretty down. General annoyance by everyone in the house, including the kids. Yesterday was the last day of school for the kids and field day for our oldest son. He was hot and sunburnt and just cranky. Which means our youngest was also cranky because his brother was bugging him. Anyway, just a blah day.

Today however has been a 180 degree shift. We started out the day with cardiac rehab, our first appointment. We met with a nurse and had a long chat about what caused JD's heart attack and what we could do to prevent another one in future. She gave us a neat diagram of the heart and where JD's blockage was. I'll put it in here, you can click on it to make it bigger. The yellow mark at the top of the LAD is where his blockage was! Then he got to do some stretching and cardio exercises; treadmill, stationary bicycle, and the arm peddler. So now we go three times a week starting tomorrow and he gets to do 45 minutes of exercise while being monitored.

They have classes every Wednesday on different topics like diet, exercise and anatomy of the heart. We will go to a few of those. I'm sure we'll go to the diet and nutrition one and I would like to go to the anatomy and physiology of the heart. I've been thorough anatomy and physiology 3 times and I just love learning about these things. We'll probably go through the stress management class as well, not that we have any stress, no not us!

We ran errands after that, we have some friends coming to stay with us from out of town for a month or so. I needed to get some cleaning supplies and various sundry items that had been put on the back burner while money was so tight here recently. JD did good through all of our running around, he had been getting fatigued pretty easily but luckily we made it through about 3 hours of errands and he still had enough energy to make us some lunch and watch a movie! Definitely much better than yesterday.

I'm so proud of all he is doing for himself! He's changed his whole life around. He used to eat lots of red meat, drink about 5 or 6 Mountain Dews and go through a little over half a pack of cigarettes. That was his existence, now we're trying out the different flavors of Crystal Light so we can find some we both agree on. He hasn't had a cigarette for a week and a half, same with Mt. Dew. He's really been a trooper. I'm so glad he's been so agreeable with all these changes, my stress level would probably be about 20 times higher if he weren't willing to at least try every day!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Death, she's a greedy bitch.

Almost every morning we watch the Today Show. Each Wednesday Willard Scott gets on and wishes centenarians Happy Birthday from Smucker's. It's funny how when you get a knock from death's door you look at this happy announcement a little differently.

Babies die before they're born. There's so many kids dying from awful cancers. People in the prime of their lives die from preventable diseases. We kill ourselves slowly with tobacco and McDonald's.

We all know eventually our lives are going to end. We want to do something with our lives to make some sort of impact in this small world of ours Personally, I've made peace with my death. I have not made peace with the death of my children or my husband. I can only hope it will be a long time until I see them, hopefully I will not have to see my children's or their children's.

I've been to a number of funerals, I've played many roles. I've been the nervous granddaughter playing "Amazing Grace" for her grandma on the violin. The emo teenager wishing she would've been nicer to her grandpa before he died. The daughter wishing she would've been braver in confronting the man she called daddy, making difficult decisions about whether or not to have a funeral for someone she really didn't like, but loved with her whole being. The daughter-in-law trying her best to hold it together for a grieving wife and mother who didn't know how she was going to make her next house payment. The friend who wished she would've done more, said more. The friend of a friend just there to hold a hand and offer a tissue. Death sucks, but we all have to do it sometime. I'd rather not do it with him, not for awhile anyway.